My Thanksgiving Escape Plan Is Already In Motion

Don Kaufman here. 

Happy Thanksgiving from someone who's timed family visits better than most option spreads.

Let me paint you the picture: My wife's family flies in December 4th. My parents arrive December 5th. 

I fly out December 5th afternoon.

There's less than a 24-hour crossover period, and I've timed this very effectively. I can get all my work done and get the hell out of here - postponing seeing them for the next two weeks. 

They usually stay from December all the way to March.

You're gonna hear me spending a lot of time in Flagstaff, Vegas (don't even like Vegas but I'm going for 24 hours), anywhere that's not here.

Growing up, every guy my sister dated got a negative nickname. She literally dated a guy named Chachi. 

We'd straight-face call him "Crotchy" and what's he gonna do? I'm the younger brother, he's dating my sister, and I had 40 pounds on him.

When I met her now-husband, I looked at her and said, "Poor bastard." That's his nickname to this day. 

He's actually a really nice guy - which is exactly why: Poor bastard.

I've taught my kids this tradition. 

My two boys, anytime my daughter has a friend over who's a boy, they're calling him names. "What are you gonna do? I'm the younger brother." They're right.

The other day at Costco was madness. 

Got out for $800 with two shopping carts - had my 13-year-old pushing the 11-year-old in one cart while I commandeered the other. 

We were THAT family. I'm intimidating at Costco normally, but with two carts and kids causing chaos? People got out of the way fast.

Didn't bring the Cyber Truck though. 

Don't want to draw attention right before Thanksgiving. Funny thing - everyone says it's a fail, but everywhere I go people want to see inside. 

Ford F-150 drivers at Home Depot asking for tours.

For those dealing with the weird brother-in-law today (and somebody thinks YOU'RE the weird brother-in-law), my advice: Just drink more. Make it a fun holiday. 

Some turkey flying over the table, little sweet potato pie action.

We'll be broadcasting Friday morning too - partly to save you from extended family conversations about your "computer job."

Quality of everything sucks these days. Even my intimidation factor wasn't working at Costco.

But family's acceptable when they're YOUR family. It's the in-laws that require escape plans.

Enjoy your turkey, try not to call anyone "Crotchy" to their face, and remember - if you're the crazy brother-in-law, just own it.

See you Friday morning.

To your success,

Don Kaufman